CONFLUENT COUPLES - CASE 1 - KATE AND ANDY SPADE

What Happens When Your Marriage Hits A Rough Spot?

The tragic death of Kate Spade at 55 drew my attention to the unusual pattern with her and her husband Andy in terms of my concept of "Confluence". Although it was a most untimely death, combined with their recent separation, the fact remains that as a couple they share, what I refer to as "Perfect Confluence" (ie. they were born on the same day)! This day was Dec. 24th, 1962. So just what happens when a couple such as this experience a rough spot in their marriage and just how close were they during their combined lives?

The theory says that you should not only be very supportive of one another, but that your outlook and interests and yes, even your physical appearance, should be the same. It should be like meeting your twin!  This is not the first time I have examined couples with very strong "Confluence". It's all in the book LIFE CYCLES - RELATIONSHIPS. Let's start at the beginning of their relationship, shall we. They met as college students when both were working at a menswear store. They clicked almost immediately and began dating.

When they graduated they moved to New York, where Andy worked in advertising, while Kate joined Mademoiselle magazine in 1986. In 1987, when both were in their combined age 24 "Year of Revolution", they moved in together and this new relationship marker could be said to have occurred in their first "Window of Opportunity" period.

A young Kate and Andy. 

The next milestone for them as a couple would have been in 1994, when they married in their combined age 31, "Year of Broken Pathways". They had just begun their new business, Kate Spade Handbags, the year before, so this is a good example of 'not all important life events correlating with the "Significant Years"'. Andy chose the name even though they weren't married then and they just scraped by in the early days (eg. Andy cashed in his 401K super money to buy fabric, which filled their small apartment).

Their marriage in the next year was on the basis of some business success. Their uphill challenge was to combine Andy's marketing skills with Kate's creative direction to steadily grow their turnover. They were thus totally united as a business and marriage partnership. Fortunately their bags quickly became popular, particularly in New York.

So now we come to their combined age 36, mid-life "Year of Revolution" (the year 1999). What new and important direction is about to unfold? The answer is that after a period of impressive growth, going from a turnover of $100,000 in 1993 to $27 mil. in 1998, they decided to sell a controlling interest in their business to Nieman Marcus $33 mil. This went on to shape their future lives. They were both reported to be conservative where it came to business, with Kate being particularly risk-averse. In common terms they sold the family farm for a very modest amount.

At their next "Significant Year", their combined age 43 "Year of Broken Pathways", they sold their remaining 44% holding to Nieman Marcus for $59 mil. and stepped away from the company they had created. Here, again, we see the 7 year journey of "Unbroken Forward Momentum" from first sale to the final exit. They basically retired and looked after their young daughter. Marcus sold the iconic Kate Spade Bags one week later to Fifth & Pacific, who re-packaged it and in 2017 sold it to Tapestry for $2.4 billion, which is 24 times more than Kate and Andy received.

So again, everything they do as a couple is on a parallel track. We'll finally visit their last complete "Significant Year", which is their combined age 48 "Year of Revolution" in 2011. We will be looking for evidence of new developments in their lives and further demonstration of their closeness as a couple. For evidence I have an interview taken with them both from this year:-

"OK, what about your business plans for the future? Do you two ever think you'll collaborate again?"

Andy, "I think we will absolutely".

Kate, "Yeah, I think it's the first time I've said it. For so long it's been the last thing on my mind, but now Bea (their daughter) doesn't get home till 6.30 pm."

Andy, "We have an idea. We've registered a name."

"Registered a name! This is breaking news, we don't have to publish it."

So it was right here that they first announced their new era. Pretty good evidence eh! It would be not until 2016 that they (along with a couple of partners) launched a new online accessories company called Francis Valentine (the names of both Kate's grandfathers). In this interview they were also asked about each other and gave the perfect "Confluence" answer:-

"What do you admire most in each other?"

Kate, "I'd say your kindness - your generosity."

Andy, "You never tell me that. I would say your kindness too."

Kate, [cooing] "Awww, aren't we just the sweetest little couple?"

Andy, "OK, I like her sense of humour. Does that work for your story?" [laughs]

Does this sound like "the twins" to you? Does it what! Well now, if that's so, why in the heck were they living separately before Kate's suicide? And more to the point what happens when strongly "Confluent" couples separate or divorce? Like everything else in life, there's no absolute guarantees that your relationship will go the distance. 

Well the theory would say, that the residual friendship side of the relationship takes over and they often live close by and still see each other and any shared children frequently, as well as maintain any business associations (however awkward this may be).  I found this when I studied the lives of the Google founder Sergei Brin and his former wife Anne Wojcicki (also known as "the twins").

So what happened with Kate and Andy in 2018. Whilst we can never be on the inside looking out of a relationship, Andy's words at the funeral were instructive:-

Releasing a lengthy statement, Mr Spade said his wife was “the most beautiful woman in the world” and his “best friend for 35 years”.

“She was the kindest person I’ve ever known,” the statement read.

“My daughter and I are devastated by her loss, and can’t even begin to fathom life without her. We are deeply heartbroken and miss her already.”

Mr Spade said his wife “suffered from depression and anxiety for many years” and was “actively seeking help” to treat her “disease”.

“We were in touch with her the night before and she sounded happy,” his statement continued.

“There was no indication and no warning that she would do this. It was a complete shock. And it clearly wasn’t her. There were personal demons she was battling.”

The 55-year-old squashed rumours that they were headed for divorce, but revealed they had been “living separately” in proximity to one another for the past 10 months. Their daughter, Frances Beatrix, would visit each of them on a regular basis.

“Bea was living with both of us and we saw each other or spoke every day,” he said.

“We ate many meals together as a family and continued to vacation together as a family. Our daughter was our priority. We were not legally separated, and never even discussed divorce.

“We were best friends trying to work through our problems in the best way we knew how. We were together for 35 years. We loved each other very much and simply needed a break.

This is the truth. Anything else that is out there right now is false.”

This is just about the best description of what might take place when a couple who share "Perfect Confluence" hit a rough spot in their marriage. It ticks every box, viz. "best friends"; "live close by and still see each other and any children frequently"; "lots of mutual admiration regardless of circumstances". 

In summary then :-

• At 24, Kate and Andy move in together and start living as a couple.
• At 31, after a 7 year period of "Unbroken Forward Momentum" as a couple, they get married. This also follows on from them launching their joint company the year before. They are now on both personal and career parallel tracks.
• At 36, they sell a controlling interest in their growing business to Nieman Marcus for $33 Mil. This ultimately comes to define their future career direction.
• At 43, again after a period of 7 years of "Unbroken Forward Momentum" they sell their remaining shares to Nieman Marcus for $59 mil. and walked away. They devoted themselves to raising their young daughter. Here again, we see the parallel tracks as a couple.
• At 48, they first announce their future intention to begin a new business and say they have registered a name. This will come to define their new era.

So this is as good a study of "Perfect Confluence" in action as I could assemble. I happily submit it to you. Please note, this is just a mathematically-based conclusion, there are no other variables present than "Life Cycles Theory". Also note, that such conclusions as I have drawn are not possible with any other theory of life, because like everything else I do, it is unique and has never been done before.